Just when you think that you just need to cut your losses, pick up your bottom lip that's been dragging the ground, and move on to the next dream, that is when you have to decide left or right or keep on going. I blogged about my Colorado trip and my big dilemma on how to proceed in good conscience with my writing. I was at the wall and having to seek God on how to progress. I had been praying for 4 weeks with what seemed to be no answer.
The next day on my way to work, I prayed again. "God, I don't understand what to write for You. I don't understand Your direction. I am confused and frankly depressed by the entire experience. I thought that You were grooming me to be a writer and speaker for You full time. I haven't heard anything else on my song that is supposed to be going to Nashville, and my message from Colorado was rewrite. What is your plan? I have given myself to You. Use me. I am Your vessel. I give all of this confusion to you. I have been depressed for 4 weeks now about the disappointment and confusion of the Colorado Christian Writers and Speakers Conference; rewrite was not what I believed that I would hear. I need to move forward; you can use me however you use me. Give me your desires and remove the ones not from you. Just take the entire mess and get my head straight. It's Your plan and timing. I love you and whatever You use me for is well with my soul. Just use me."
By mid-afternoon, I received an email from Morgan James Publishing illustrating the acceptance of my book proposal. "Welcome to the Morgan James Family..." My heart stopped. I dropped my confused head to my desk and just marveled at God. It's all His. His timing, His will, and His plan.
Happy dancing ensued. I happy danced across our office areas, happy danced at my fitness class that night, happy danced on the phone, and then wept like a baby. Regardless of my worry, control, and bad attitude, God blessed me any way. He knows my heart and my head. When I relinquish control and expectations to Him, then He blesses me. He is going to use me, a sinning worrier who gets ahead of Him so often. He forgives me, loves me, and is going to use me!
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I don't know what the future holds. God keeps surprising me, and it is beautiful. Life in His trenches is amazing! Well, my personal trenches need some attention. Gotta go clean my house, it hasn't been touched in 4 weeks...
The next day on my way to work, I prayed again. "God, I don't understand what to write for You. I don't understand Your direction. I am confused and frankly depressed by the entire experience. I thought that You were grooming me to be a writer and speaker for You full time. I haven't heard anything else on my song that is supposed to be going to Nashville, and my message from Colorado was rewrite. What is your plan? I have given myself to You. Use me. I am Your vessel. I give all of this confusion to you. I have been depressed for 4 weeks now about the disappointment and confusion of the Colorado Christian Writers and Speakers Conference; rewrite was not what I believed that I would hear. I need to move forward; you can use me however you use me. Give me your desires and remove the ones not from you. Just take the entire mess and get my head straight. It's Your plan and timing. I love you and whatever You use me for is well with my soul. Just use me."
By mid-afternoon, I received an email from Morgan James Publishing illustrating the acceptance of my book proposal. "Welcome to the Morgan James Family..." My heart stopped. I dropped my confused head to my desk and just marveled at God. It's all His. His timing, His will, and His plan.
Happy dancing ensued. I happy danced across our office areas, happy danced at my fitness class that night, happy danced on the phone, and then wept like a baby. Regardless of my worry, control, and bad attitude, God blessed me any way. He knows my heart and my head. When I relinquish control and expectations to Him, then He blesses me. He is going to use me, a sinning worrier who gets ahead of Him so often. He forgives me, loves me, and is going to use me!
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I don't know what the future holds. God keeps surprising me, and it is beautiful. Life in His trenches is amazing! Well, my personal trenches need some attention. Gotta go clean my house, it hasn't been touched in 4 weeks...
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