I don't want my desires anymore. Obviously, my desires have been a little faulty. I am not sure if I sought God on working with at-risk kids or if that was my own passion because of my childhood circumstances. Either way, I know that God has worked that for good.
My desire to be a mom has been faulty at times, but God has worked that to the good. I have two beautiful children who are smart, funny, and loving. I believe that we will have a victory over my son's heart. I have watched my children play and participate in so many fun extra-curriculars; I have even tried to coach some activities regardless of being ill equipped. I screwed up my son's swing, but he didn't really like baseball anyway (maybe that was because I screwed up his swing). Those desires have all worked themselves out with faith and prayer and forgiveness.
My desire to be a wife was based on Biblical truth, but somewhere along the way my judgement left something to be desired. I so badly wanted Ephesians 5 that I missed the part on finding the right man for it. I am still cloudy on where I went wrong. Obviously, my frog radar has been faulty. Right now, though, God has taken that desire and put it on the back burner. I feel some pretty awesome peace about it all. I know He has an awesome plan, and I am peaceful about waiting for God to move.
Recently, I changed the way I was praying for God's will over my life. Instead of praying for His will to be done (which it will be anyway), I started praying for Him to ignite the desires within me that He would choose for me. I had been praying for Him to idiot proof my path, which He did, but that wasn't quite igniting the fire in me that I wanted to feel about His path. I changed my prayer, and He gave me the strong desire to be a principal again. I feel, literally, single minded about it right now.
His will be done; His timing is supreme. His desires will ignite my heart. My own desires will diminish and disappear. I want His desires to become my desires. He is doing that for me.
Psalm 37: 3-9
Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
The part that I do struggle with is fretting, being patient, being angry, and being still. When God ignites something in me, I go 150% towards it. I can't help it. When I have to be patient, that just works against me. I want everyone to be on board, and I get angry with people who aren't ignited the way God ignited me. I want to win the race. The problem is getting so focused on winning that I forget to enjoy the race.
I don't want to lose one moment with my children. So, if God puts the principalship on hold until they graduate, then so be it. If He works it all out, and I get a principalship that allows me to still be the mom He has called me to be then wonderful. I believe He will use one last principalship to finish my book. If He sells my book concepts and releases me from the entire education field, then praise God. His desires, His will, His path. Honestly, I should just relax and enjoy the race.
Take a deep breath. Flex your muscles. Settle into a good pace. Your race may take a while or it may be a sprint. Either way, let God ignite the desires within you. Stand firm. Keep the Faith. You are, after all, in His trenches, in His race. He has you. Do you have Him?
My desire to be a mom has been faulty at times, but God has worked that to the good. I have two beautiful children who are smart, funny, and loving. I believe that we will have a victory over my son's heart. I have watched my children play and participate in so many fun extra-curriculars; I have even tried to coach some activities regardless of being ill equipped. I screwed up my son's swing, but he didn't really like baseball anyway (maybe that was because I screwed up his swing). Those desires have all worked themselves out with faith and prayer and forgiveness.
My desire to be a wife was based on Biblical truth, but somewhere along the way my judgement left something to be desired. I so badly wanted Ephesians 5 that I missed the part on finding the right man for it. I am still cloudy on where I went wrong. Obviously, my frog radar has been faulty. Right now, though, God has taken that desire and put it on the back burner. I feel some pretty awesome peace about it all. I know He has an awesome plan, and I am peaceful about waiting for God to move.
Recently, I changed the way I was praying for God's will over my life. Instead of praying for His will to be done (which it will be anyway), I started praying for Him to ignite the desires within me that He would choose for me. I had been praying for Him to idiot proof my path, which He did, but that wasn't quite igniting the fire in me that I wanted to feel about His path. I changed my prayer, and He gave me the strong desire to be a principal again. I feel, literally, single minded about it right now.
His will be done; His timing is supreme. His desires will ignite my heart. My own desires will diminish and disappear. I want His desires to become my desires. He is doing that for me.
Psalm 37: 3-9
Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
The part that I do struggle with is fretting, being patient, being angry, and being still. When God ignites something in me, I go 150% towards it. I can't help it. When I have to be patient, that just works against me. I want everyone to be on board, and I get angry with people who aren't ignited the way God ignited me. I want to win the race. The problem is getting so focused on winning that I forget to enjoy the race.
I don't want to lose one moment with my children. So, if God puts the principalship on hold until they graduate, then so be it. If He works it all out, and I get a principalship that allows me to still be the mom He has called me to be then wonderful. I believe He will use one last principalship to finish my book. If He sells my book concepts and releases me from the entire education field, then praise God. His desires, His will, His path. Honestly, I should just relax and enjoy the race.
Take a deep breath. Flex your muscles. Settle into a good pace. Your race may take a while or it may be a sprint. Either way, let God ignite the desires within you. Stand firm. Keep the Faith. You are, after all, in His trenches, in His race. He has you. Do you have Him?
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