As a planner and perpetual doer, I often get fixed on a vision, action plan, and sometimes my own ideas about what I need to do as next steps in my journey. Most recently, I have been fixed and focused on buying a house, paying off debt, and creating a consulting business. Unfortunately, it simply does not appear to be in God's plans for us to buy a house. My intentions can be good, but is my good really what God wants as I seek to serve Him?
I believe that God's plans are to prosper us and not to harm us. The enemy is always working to undermine God's best for us. What I have noticed is that each time that I pay off one debt that something happens like a visit to the ER that puts an equal or greater debt right back on us. The enemy is not in charge of my life though. So, I'm praying fervently to be freed from financial bondage.
As I grow closer with God, I learn that my plans and ideas have to come from Him or they will inevitably fail. The hardest part of this struggle for me is waiting to hear God's voice. Waiting, as you well know if you have read my blog over the years, is not my strongest character trait. Also, I have classic American Dream issues that sometimes get my focus right off of serving God and right onto building the nest I so desire for my family.
God gave me a vision for being a writer and speaker many years ago. I've pushed into that vision as boldly as I can go with the creation of my new website InHisTrenches.com, publication of Positude, leading of a women's retreat, and subcontract work in the education field. I am now waiting for God to open some major doors for me. I have had to reach this point where I just give it to God and quit being anxious about it. If He wants something done with me or for me, then it's officially up to Him. I have been disappointed on so many levels about not having the desires of my heart to serve, teach, and speak fulfilled in my timeline. I believe God gave me those desires. So, I put my hand to the plow, built a website, wrote all the plans out by direction of the Holy Spirit, and now it is up to Him. I have been sitting on my big book contract for 4 years now. I grimace even acknowledging that fact.
I will continue to put my hand to the plow that He puts in front of me. What I have to quit doing is forcing things. Where can I find the balance of seeking God's will and being patient for His direction? I believe that I am saved by the blood of Christ. I know that I am filled with the Holy Spirit. I have experienced the power of the Holy Spirit working through me to speak, heal, direct, pray, write, lead... I am just waiting for Him to fully activate me. I desire doing so much more for Him and for my family.
In the interim, I will pray and fast seeking God's clear direction and protection from the schemes of the enemy. My hope is in the Lord. I don't accept Satan's lies nor his bondage of debt, shame, guilt, or whatever else he throws at me. I know that God will use me when He is ready for me to be used. I also know that I have to prove myself as faithful through whatever storm hits me.
Listen friends, God will speak to you and guide you. He will deliver you, and He has plans for you. I pray that you clearly hear His voice and that you are filled by the power of the Holy Spirit to serve. You are not alone in His trenches. None of us are perfect, and none of us has it perfectly all together or all figured out. That's ok. Rest in the knowledge that you are saved by the precious work of Jesus on the cross and that God's plan for you will manifest in His timing. I'm praying that He idiot proofs my path. May I always be on the path leading to Him.