I have had this little black cloud following me around since before Christmas. I just have not been able to shake it. I have prayed for God's desires. I have prayed for Him to idiot proof my path. I have prayed that He show me any sin in my life that I am not aware of. I have prayed that He remove all grief, loneliness, emptiness, etc. He keeps answering my prayers. BUT, where is my joy? Where is that perky Michelle that is usually inside of me rocking with the Holy Spirit?
God is moving to answer every prayer that I laid out in my blog amazingly enough. My aunt is moving in with me; so, not only will I have some emotional support but she is going to help out with a few bills. That answered many prayers for the kids and me. She loves us. It's like we are Ruth and Naomi. Actually, there is a song by Amy Grant and Nichole Nordeman called "I'm With You". It's the Ruth and Naomi song. I think it's perfect for us right now.
My Shiner house is definitely sold. I have one more Saturday left to finish up the work that we have to do there. One of my songs is ready for distribution to see if there is an artist interested in it. Positude fitness is going very well. My daughter's heart (emotionally and spiritually) is healing. God is restoring a church family that I love.
He is working in so many ways for my good. He allowed me to have some fun with friends in Austin a couple of weeks ago and reminded me that I am not dead nor permanently on a shelf. He, also, gave me some great positive feedback from my interview for the principal's position that I applied for. I am giving the message at church on Sunday. He is putting me out there in the ministry more and more; He keeps inspiring me to write.
Yet, I am walking around like 1/2 of a puzzle. That's the way I feel. Honestly, I feel like I lost a limb and the realization is glaringly obvious but I don't know what to do about it. What is the deal? I don't want to feel like this. I want to be joyful and complete in Christ. Am I praying wrong? Am I hanging on to something? Is God giving me these emotions (I have prayed that all my desires die and be replaced with His desires.)? I have questioned myself. Is it grief? Is it not feeling like I'm in my calling? Do I feel too far removed from the front lines of the battlefield? Am I being impatient?
I googled "scripture for the lost". This is curiously what I just got to...
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I am going to do some serious praying about this. It feels right. My spirit is saying, "This is for you." So, I will pray, "God give me the love that you are speaking of in I Corinthians 13. Help me to love others. Fill my cup so that I may fill others'. Make me love again without fear, without envy, without judgement. You have given me your tongue. You have given me gifts. You have given me faith. You have called me. Show me how to love the way you want me to love. Equip me with the love. Make me complete in Christ. Make me the woman that you want me to be. Show me fully even as I am fully known. In the precious name of Jesus, amen."
God is moving to answer every prayer that I laid out in my blog amazingly enough. My aunt is moving in with me; so, not only will I have some emotional support but she is going to help out with a few bills. That answered many prayers for the kids and me. She loves us. It's like we are Ruth and Naomi. Actually, there is a song by Amy Grant and Nichole Nordeman called "I'm With You". It's the Ruth and Naomi song. I think it's perfect for us right now.
My Shiner house is definitely sold. I have one more Saturday left to finish up the work that we have to do there. One of my songs is ready for distribution to see if there is an artist interested in it. Positude fitness is going very well. My daughter's heart (emotionally and spiritually) is healing. God is restoring a church family that I love.
He is working in so many ways for my good. He allowed me to have some fun with friends in Austin a couple of weeks ago and reminded me that I am not dead nor permanently on a shelf. He, also, gave me some great positive feedback from my interview for the principal's position that I applied for. I am giving the message at church on Sunday. He is putting me out there in the ministry more and more; He keeps inspiring me to write.
Yet, I am walking around like 1/2 of a puzzle. That's the way I feel. Honestly, I feel like I lost a limb and the realization is glaringly obvious but I don't know what to do about it. What is the deal? I don't want to feel like this. I want to be joyful and complete in Christ. Am I praying wrong? Am I hanging on to something? Is God giving me these emotions (I have prayed that all my desires die and be replaced with His desires.)? I have questioned myself. Is it grief? Is it not feeling like I'm in my calling? Do I feel too far removed from the front lines of the battlefield? Am I being impatient?
I googled "scripture for the lost". This is curiously what I just got to...
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I am going to do some serious praying about this. It feels right. My spirit is saying, "This is for you." So, I will pray, "God give me the love that you are speaking of in I Corinthians 13. Help me to love others. Fill my cup so that I may fill others'. Make me love again without fear, without envy, without judgement. You have given me your tongue. You have given me gifts. You have given me faith. You have called me. Show me how to love the way you want me to love. Equip me with the love. Make me complete in Christ. Make me the woman that you want me to be. Show me fully even as I am fully known. In the precious name of Jesus, amen."
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