Acts 2: 25- 28 "David said about him, 'I saw the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.'"
The struggle to stay focused on God's will is amplified by the noise of the holiday and time off. I keep asking God if this is some type of a test to see just how far that I can be pushed. Every day I get a minimum of four calls from creditors that I cannot pay. Every night, I crawl into my luxurious bed alone. The fight to remain positive is not easy. I have had steady companionship since I was 20 years old minus 11 months surrounding the birth of my first child. 20 years of companionship to nothing is a huge change in my world.
I know that being alone is my choice. Divorce is my choice. Per earlier blog, I will be alone until I have the very prince God intends for me to be with. I will not entertain frogs or misguided princes any more. So, I guess I need to quit whining and embrace my choices. Maybe affection has become some type of drug of choice for me.
Financial strain tried to put a dark cloud over my holiday, but my children were wonderful. They each had one gift under our tree, which is so out of sync from years past. I was not even concerned about whether or not I would be gifted other than by the Grace God shows me, but my son made me breakfast in bed Christmas morning.
Then, my daughter surprised me with a beautiful cross that matches my living room theme perfectly. I was humbled by their love and generosity in the face of our limited resources. Christmas had a very special meaning to me this year. It really is about Christ's love and our love for others. What is so special is the love we receive. People do have the power to be Christ's hands and feet and share the gift of love; we just forget that Love really is the greatest gift.
God has a plan for me, and He keeps giving me glimpses of the promises that will come to fruition. I know that He has a plan and a purpose for my writing and speaking. He does not abandon me. He will not desert me to the grave. I think the part of the scripture that I keep forgetting is that joy comes when I am in God's presence. If I am focused on the things of this world, then I pull away from His presence. It is my choice to wallow and struggle with self-pity as though I am some type of martyr in my own mind.
Hebrews 13: 5-6 promises, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
I do not love money. I don't hate it, either. I can live with it or without it. I don't mind not having my nails done or any of the other fru fru creature comforts that I have been spoiled with. What I cannot take is not being able to pay living expenses and cover the day to day needs of my children. I am very thankful that God has provided for all of the essentials in my household budget. I can live without eating out (which He has blessed me with despite my finances). I have discovered through this process that there is a lot that I can live without. We are blessed but see it only in times of reflection; I should focus on finding contentment in each moment.
Maintaining a positive, God centered focus through the storm in my life is not easy. I have good days and then others...I cry, I pray, I get rejuvenation, I feel joy again, and then a memory hits me. I do not want to forget my marriage because there were many wonderful times filled with love. It would be easier if God just wiped my memory, though. It wouldn't take away the loneliness of my situation, but then maybe I wouldn't remember the moments that I felt loved and cherished nor the moment of great heartbreak and despair.
I will conclude with this from Hebrews 13: 1-3 "Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."
The struggle to stay focused on God's will is amplified by the noise of the holiday and time off. I keep asking God if this is some type of a test to see just how far that I can be pushed. Every day I get a minimum of four calls from creditors that I cannot pay. Every night, I crawl into my luxurious bed alone. The fight to remain positive is not easy. I have had steady companionship since I was 20 years old minus 11 months surrounding the birth of my first child. 20 years of companionship to nothing is a huge change in my world.
I know that being alone is my choice. Divorce is my choice. Per earlier blog, I will be alone until I have the very prince God intends for me to be with. I will not entertain frogs or misguided princes any more. So, I guess I need to quit whining and embrace my choices. Maybe affection has become some type of drug of choice for me.
Financial strain tried to put a dark cloud over my holiday, but my children were wonderful. They each had one gift under our tree, which is so out of sync from years past. I was not even concerned about whether or not I would be gifted other than by the Grace God shows me, but my son made me breakfast in bed Christmas morning.
Then, my daughter surprised me with a beautiful cross that matches my living room theme perfectly. I was humbled by their love and generosity in the face of our limited resources. Christmas had a very special meaning to me this year. It really is about Christ's love and our love for others. What is so special is the love we receive. People do have the power to be Christ's hands and feet and share the gift of love; we just forget that Love really is the greatest gift.
God has a plan for me, and He keeps giving me glimpses of the promises that will come to fruition. I know that He has a plan and a purpose for my writing and speaking. He does not abandon me. He will not desert me to the grave. I think the part of the scripture that I keep forgetting is that joy comes when I am in God's presence. If I am focused on the things of this world, then I pull away from His presence. It is my choice to wallow and struggle with self-pity as though I am some type of martyr in my own mind.
Hebrews 13: 5-6 promises, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
I do not love money. I don't hate it, either. I can live with it or without it. I don't mind not having my nails done or any of the other fru fru creature comforts that I have been spoiled with. What I cannot take is not being able to pay living expenses and cover the day to day needs of my children. I am very thankful that God has provided for all of the essentials in my household budget. I can live without eating out (which He has blessed me with despite my finances). I have discovered through this process that there is a lot that I can live without. We are blessed but see it only in times of reflection; I should focus on finding contentment in each moment.
Maintaining a positive, God centered focus through the storm in my life is not easy. I have good days and then others...I cry, I pray, I get rejuvenation, I feel joy again, and then a memory hits me. I do not want to forget my marriage because there were many wonderful times filled with love. It would be easier if God just wiped my memory, though. It wouldn't take away the loneliness of my situation, but then maybe I wouldn't remember the moments that I felt loved and cherished nor the moment of great heartbreak and despair.
I will conclude with this from Hebrews 13: 1-3 "Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."
Stand firm. Keep the faith and share Christ's love. Live, laugh, and love freely. God bless you and keep you, and may you be gentle with those who are suffering.
Stone Walls Do Not A Prison Make
Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage;
Minds innocent and quiet take
That for an hermitage;
If I have freedom in my love,
And in my soul am free,
Angels alone that soar above
Enjoy such liberty.
Richard Lovelace 1618 - 1657
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